i barfeds in our rink
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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