party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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