Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
