Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
