He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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