i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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