just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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