omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
