so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
