K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
