I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
