fuck your aforementioned shoe
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
