Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
