I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
