i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
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You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.