Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dating After Heartbreak
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.