It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text