Texts From Last Night

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers

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  (616): U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers http://tfl.nu/yb16
  Replies (4) Good night (737) Bad night (932)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.

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  (214): New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises. http://tfl.nu/b9dr
  Replies (14) Good night (602) Bad night (2692)
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  (916): View more from California

  If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes

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  (916): If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes http://tfl.nu/yckh
  Replies (14) Good night (776) Bad night (3190)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"

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  (573): I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!" http://tfl.nu/oyys
  Replies (22) Good night (5462) Bad night (1355)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.

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  (704): i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand. http://tfl.nu/a9f5
  Replies (10) Good night (4024) Bad night (966)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating

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  (817): I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating http://tfl.nu/2j7q
  Replies (8) Good night (5522) Bad night (1298)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.

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  (804): French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops. http://tfl.nu/0hfd
  Replies (5) Good night (2085) Bad night (637)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table

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  (225): we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table http://tfl.nu/ufec
  Replies (13) Good night (2120) Bad night (796)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face

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  (+44): Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face http://tfl.nu/5obj
  Replies (19) Good night (691) Bad night (1079)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.

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  (250): You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians. http://tfl.nu/wcxi
  Replies (8) Good night (1566) Bad night (707)
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  (707): View more from California

  As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.

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  (707): As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment. http://tfl.nu/opoe
  Replies (5) Good night (815) Bad night (368)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water

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  (202): I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water http://tfl.nu/zr61
  Replies (6) Good night (872) Bad night (310)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.

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  (580): I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots. http://tfl.nu/rb8t
  Replies (1) Good night (783) Bad night (235)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now

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  (608): I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now http://tfl.nu/jhxl
  Replies (3) Good night (522) Bad night (257)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often

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  (+27): His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often http://tfl.nu/sl6l
  Replies (1) Good night (836) Bad night (177)

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