Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Someone's got a whale tail

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  A thong is hangin out?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  No, a fatty following them

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  (314): Someone's got a whale tail (1-314): A thong is hangin out? (314): No, a fatty following them http://tfl.nu/cyed
  Replies (8) Good night (1040) Bad night (1255)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.

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  (917): Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick. http://tfl.nu/czw4
  Replies (26) Good night (3512) Bad night (773)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  how does Santa get into Hogwarts?

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  (574): how does Santa get into Hogwarts? http://tfl.nu/z515
  Replies (48) Good night (5999) Bad night (962)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle

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  (904): nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle http://tfl.nu/jw9o
  Replies (55) Good night (5261) Bad night (1422)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.

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  (203): I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus. http://tfl.nu/scm8
  Replies (17) Good night (7653) Bad night (1192)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.

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  (506): No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better. http://tfl.nu/gi84
  Replies (5) Good night (2585) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.

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  (405): We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out. http://tfl.nu/ia59
  Replies (7) Good night (864) Bad night (3163)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?

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  (314): hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay? http://tfl.nu/svsk
  Replies (11) Good night (3486) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.

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  (678): doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life. http://tfl.nu/o38i
  Replies (15) Good night (616) Bad night (1549)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?

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  (315): Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room? http://tfl.nu/jfto
  Replies (10) Good night (1669) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  How can a condom be "half used"?

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  (218): Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face (763): How can a condom be "half used"? http://tfl.nu/3d85
  Replies (13) Good night (1369) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.

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  (541): I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards. http://tfl.nu/slrk
  Replies (1) Good night (518) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?

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  (608): I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay? http://tfl.nu/awtj
  Replies (2) Good night (523) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Cheese only

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  (606): Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort. (606): Cheese only http://tfl.nu/r3u9
  Replies (5) Good night (853) Bad night (225)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.

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  (913): He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk. http://tfl.nu/r25m
  Replies (0) Good night (442) Bad night (195)

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