Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

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  (914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq
  Replies (49) Good night (4300) Bad night (1687)
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  (914): View more from New York

  When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...

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  (914): When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking... http://tfl.nu/3yo6
  Replies (13) Good night (5013) Bad night (1217)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands

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  (518): I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands http://tfl.nu/jxb1
  Replies (12) Good night (4497) Bad night (1682)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love

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  (336): as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love http://tfl.nu/xemn
  Replies (6) Good night (2690) Bad night (1040)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.

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  (570): Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again. http://tfl.nu/7ky3
  Replies (8) Good night (2136) Bad night (1014)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.

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  (303): No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck. http://tfl.nu/2tgn
  Replies (7) Good night (2082) Bad night (892)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  She swung at the pinata with crutches

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  (440): She swung at the pinata with crutches http://tfl.nu/dkgf
  Replies (4) Good night (1897) Bad night (1370)
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  (323): View more from California

  Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?

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  (323): Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you? http://tfl.nu/qb3x
  Replies (26) Good night (953) Bad night (2539)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too

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  (623): Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too http://tfl.nu/3dvb
  Replies (20) Good night (1791) Bad night (712)
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  (310): View more from California

  Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul

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  (310): Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul http://tfl.nu/k128
  Replies (4) Good night (715) Bad night (625)
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  (355): View more from

  He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat

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  (355): He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat http://tfl.nu/brov
  Replies (5) Good night (820) Bad night (469)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.

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  (936): Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA. http://tfl.nu/7tz2
  Replies (4) Good night (705) Bad night (417)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  For the caroling or the orgy?

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  (856): Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata. (856): For the caroling or the orgy? http://tfl.nu/xsvg
  Replies (2) Good night (701) Bad night (349)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday

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  (434): All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday http://tfl.nu/0n0q
  Replies (1) Good night (650) Bad night (341)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account

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  (515): you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account http://tfl.nu/u05o
  Replies (0) Good night (367) Bad night (539)

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