are you still at the devil's house?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.