my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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