It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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