The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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