i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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