fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
