can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
