Someone shit on the floor
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Two words: nipple clamps
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