Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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