i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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