See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
