I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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