So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
