I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
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It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
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Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
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