He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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