smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
