My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
be right there i have to get my cape
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
