Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize