someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
