So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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