I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
