recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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