dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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