i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
