I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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