U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
