you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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