apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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