MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
