Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
