Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
