sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
