my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
