He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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