I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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