yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
