dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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