Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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