my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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