...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
