6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
