Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
