do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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