This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
