I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
